Category: the Rant Board
This morning, I had a big blow-up with Mom... I have these about once or twice a month or every two months... I don't know, haven't kept track. I am starting to be more aware of myself and I admit, I do stupid things and get angry, stubborn, and sarcastic. Every time they catch me, I'm always getting lectured for it, the same thing over and over again because they think I don't change. I complain about not being able to go out when I want and that I constantly wish I could be someplace where I could walk on a paved road in town. All they say is that they can drive me anywhere at reasonable hours if I ask and there's also always paratransit. They're so busy that they can't drive me or sometimes Mom wouldn't have the energy for it, so I end up staying home. Paratransit costs six bucks for a round trip and their scheduling staff is getting worse and worse quality. They argue that the bus has schedules too, so I can't be spontaneous, but the bus would surely be a whole lot easier than them. I've gotten so frustrated before that I've acted out worse, like yesterday, when everyone was rushing to get ready and the dog was in my way, so I pushed her hard to get out of the way and my parents hated that. They give me guilt trips like "If you love us, why do you treat us this way?" I've been working on not being so negative and stubborn and acting out so much, a little bit by a little bit, I get better every day. But, they don't see it when I mess up and act out. They said if I tried to move out, they'd let the landlord/lady and the people I work with and any of my supporters know all about my negative behavior and terminate everything and keep me at home. I'm so boiling mad right now that all I want to do is just move out and show them, I mean, it's the best thing I can do since I'm so tired of being so stuck and so protected. They constantly remind me of how vulnerable I am out in the streets, they freak out when I light a candle, thinking I'm not going to be safe and accidentally start a fire. Forgive me, but AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
I live with my mother.I am 28 and I seem to fight a lot with my mother there are times that I just wish I had my own place. carol
I would love to move out and be on my own; I can't wait til I'm 18 and I can go off to college. Yeah, my parents are also very overprotective, especially my mom. She treats me like I'm made of porslin or something, like I'm so fragile, and it pisses me off.
I'm 20, well going on 21 in a few days, and I live with my aunt. Well every month or so, we argue about the stupidest things, like food. For example, if I finish up the last bit of something, she'll go off the damn wall. It's like ok dammit, I pay the rent, I buy the food, why can't I have a right to eat as much as I want! Another example, I'm anemic and have to eat a vegetable every day, so if I eat up the canned vegetables, it's world war 2. I feel what you folks are going through, I wanna move too, I have filled out a couple of applications to live in a senior citizen apartment, so as soon as I get excepted, I'll be glad to pack my bags and like Ray Charles said, hit the road Jack, and don't come back no more!like Ray
Melodica it sounds to me as if your very confused and concerned parents, are terrified of you getting hurt or being attacked which is a very real possibility, as disabled people are more likely to be attacked than non disabled..and the blind for obvious are top of the list...
stop being so bloody selfish and be glad that they care enough to over protect you,and be glad that they give a damn! no wonder they treat you like a child you come across as very ungrateful, imature and more disturbingly totally ignorant and resentful of their concern for you as a blind person ..perhaps you should stop acting like a complete brat and talk to your parents like the intelligent mature and able young woman they want you to be...
see Goblin, what you said makes sense in a way, and I do try to speak to my parents as maturely as possible myself. Thing is though, sometimes, it really doesn't help much. Trust me, I know! When your parents or guardians are way too overprotective, there's unfortunately very little you can do. It can get very frustrating a lot of times. Very frustrating. I know they care, and I love them to death for it! Thing is, as we grow older, blind or not, they really should start letting us experiment. Try new things. Sure we may fall on occasions, but they'll be our mistakes. Nobody else's. I mean, there's no place in the world where one's safe! One could be killed in their own home tomorrow while under the covers, and deep asleep!
I don't know. Am I wrong? Opinions!
I agree with Goblin, in that you could try to talk to your parents without arguing. I know it can get frustrating not being able to do what you want when you want though. I live with my parents also, and my 21-year-old brother owns our car (it's under his name I mean). So I have to tell him days ahead of time when I need it, and sometimes it's harder when I don't need it but just want to go somewhere. So when I just want to do something, I use the paratransit (since I'm not on a schedule really) and when it's a need I tell my brother. So so far, it's not bad, but I do hate that I can't just get up and go out at the spur of the moment. Also, sometimes I wish I had my own place too, but it's more because understandably, mom acts like a mom and does nag at my brothers and me sometimes, and dad's not too crazy about my pet dog. The ones who do worry a lot about me doing anything though is my grandma, and to a certain point, my dad. She worries about me doing anything on my own, and he still gets in the habit of doing things for me. But I both show and tell
them that I can do little things myself, and if I go out, I explain about how I got there and where I was at and how everything went fine. SO they're
starting to be more OK with me doing things for myself. So my point is to just talk to them and if they get worried or nervous about you doing things
for yourself, explain to and literally show them that you can. And for the going out, unfortunately, I think that's got to be a common frustration for blind/VI people. You really would have to know your bus system (wich I haven't gotten down myself so can't use), save up a good amount of money for paratransit or even taxis (taxis I can't aford to take either), or have to depend on others to drive you places. I know that can suck... Or if you're mobility is really good, you can probably walk to some places. That's all I can really think of.
Leilani
I agree with maddog. Sometimes you can't sit down and try to be calm to your parents about everything that they do wrong. For me it's not easy talking to my aunt because she has a tendency to yell a lot. And so that makes me more frustrated then I really am. Goblin I understand what you're saying but sometimes our parents have to let go and let us try for ourselves. They're not gonna always be there to always hold our hand when we need them too. Hell, sighted people get hurt all the time. If sighted people can make mistakes and get hurt, why can't we? We're all not perfect, we do make mistakes sometimes, whether we're sighted or blind, part of life is learning from your mistakes and how to go about correcting them so that you don't make the same mistakes over and over.
Sorry about the repetitive posts, the site was lagging, and my page wouldn't refresh before I knew it went down for awhile.
well to imply that parents are wrong is perhaps a little bit harsh. In most instances, there isn't a right or a wrong way to parent, and most parents do bring up their children to the best of their capabilities. Remember, a baby doesn't come with a manual, you leave hospital with a newborn baby, and after that, you're pretty much on your own. However, there can be blame on both sides ... yes, it is possible, as a parent of a disabled child especially, to be over protective. how many of you went to school with kids who couldn't do anything for themselves because their parents had literally done everything for them all their lives? It is a fact of reality that we all have to leave home one day and go out into the big wide world, and parents who smother their children in cotton wool do not do them any favours by doing so, but from the other side, being rebellius and argumentative isn't necessarily the answer. it is important to remember that in most instances, parents are doing what they think is the best for their child, arguing with them constantly will just cause animosity, the best way to prove you can be independent isn't to argue the point, it is to prove the point. move out, and prove you can do it. yes people get attacked, but it's not all that common. I know lots of people who live independently and don't know any of them who have been attacked, it's the same as saying you should never let your children out of your sight because there's a pedifile lying in wait round a corner, yes it happens, but you can't live in fear all your life, of something that, in all likelyhood, is never going to happen.
I get frustrated a lot too, but i notice that when I mentally prepare for a confrontation, thinking ahead of time about what I want to say, things work out better. In the interests of peace, I try to say what I need to say in the best way I can, but sometimes I get frustrated and say it wrong; I hate that! Going out is a problem, but sighted people have problems too with car insurance, and if they can't drive for any other reason besides disability, they're worse off than us because they don't have access to paratransit. Also, ranting a bit doesn't mean we're ungreatful; it just means we're frustrated at that moment.
lol don't worry. All cleaned up! No big!
Anyways, I agree with all of what you all have been saying. You all spoke my mind!
If you're able to live independently and are having problems with those who you are lived with, you should move out and live in different accomodation to them. Me and my parents ahave had our problems in the last few years, but I always get the outcome I want when I really want to. I realise that the best way to get round your parents is by shonigotiating peacefully, and been as persuasive as you can. However sometimes this isn't posible. When that is the case you need to have the ability to cause them more problems than they're causing you, and then you need to threaten retaliation if they do not listen to you and try to understand yo and accomodate your needs. I agree with C mitchel that if you're paying rent then you're entitled to what you're paying for. I think that Melodica your biggest problems isthat you don't take the right approach with your parents and therefore upset them making them want to deny you what you want more than they might otherwise.
well, whilst I agree that negotiating peacefully is the key, playing tit for tat is such a childish response ... sounds like a two year old ... "if you don't let me have, I'll scream and scream and scream" ...
See, as right as you may be though, and I do believe you're right, negociation is the key! I mean, with negociation, at least you can show your parents that you are indeed an adult, and that you can handle yourself if it came down to it, and that you're capable of dealing with things that they might not have believed you to be capable of dealing with.
That's why I always nigotiate. By nigotiating you show your parents that you are prepared for the consequences of your decisions been accepted by them. I only threaten retalliation if threats are made against me first but if I did decide to retalliate and though I have come close I've never had to, I wouldn't plan to do anything which is beyond my capabilities. I would only decide to retalliate if I was the victim of unfair treatment and there was no other way of resolving the issue and getting them to put right the wrong things they did.
Iunderstand the dilemma because I see it from 2 perspectives my own and from our nephew Louis' point of view he's 2, and already trying to assert himself, I can see that he's going to be a handful later on...Melodica your parents are frightened and insecure about your need for freedom, it took several hard weeks of negotiation before I convinced my parents to let me start climbing and in that time they did everything they could to try and change my mind ...just give a little and try to see it from their perspective all your life they have dreaded this moment and now its here they still don't know how to allow you to be free...how would you cope in their position..would you be able to stand by and watch while your blind child, makes serious,perhaps life threatening, mistakes I doubt it...
Melodica here's an idea ask your parents to allow you to do certain difficult chores around the house, that you would need to do anyway in your own place this could take the form of ...making breakfast and/or lunch, cleaning up walking the dog,even in the rain, going into town alone, doing your own shopping ect, and organising your own finances ....after a trial period of say 6 weeks, you will all have a better idea of the level of your independence and the areas you need to work on.
.............
I'll tell you pal leaving in a rage and failing to cope,will only reinforce your parents fears and lead to even more restrictions being placed on your freedom.
For once I agree with Goblin's last post, that was well said and the way to go, if you ask me.
Parents are over protective, well out of love or caring or whatever parental emotions they have. This we need to understand and respect while at the same time they need to give us the space to assert ourselves and our independence and grow. It has to be done reasonably and with mutual undersatnding so, I think you should try a scheme like this.
Cheers
-B
i know it's hard to deal with, but like many others have said, your parents really do care about you. theyre doing this for your own good, and im sure they want nothing but the best for you. as far as them doing stuff for you, you just have to show them that youre capable of doing that particular thing. my grandma still wants to do everything for me, but i have to show her i can do it on my own. everyone gets hurt, everyone makes mistakes, were all human.
I'm often fighting with my mother, mostly because I weigh too much and they hurt me when they argue with me about that. It's true: I'm 18 now and I want to be more free in everything I doo, but my parents don't seem to understand that. For example, I want to come home when I want to. Not in the evenings, I mean from my boarding school. If I want to stay there longer, and if I have the oportunity to do that, then why shouldn'T I do it? Why shall I still go home every weekend and hang on my mother and annoy her? Am I a little child?
I think parents should let go and let us do things on our own. But one obstacle is that I'll be living alone when I move out. Does anyone have any opinions of living by myself? As for going anyware, besides work and meetings, I barely go out. I hardly ever go out without my parents. I hear it's unsafe to go out alone. What do you think? Going alone is my only option besides going places with mom and dad, because I have very few friends. Don't take offense to this, but what I mean is I have very few friends in my state. The only close friends I have is my boyfriend and a friend who is 91.
I do too. It seems like I have to act like someone I'm not, and hide things just to have friends.
Exactly. It's bullshit.